Bound to Freedom

A certain feeling came over me as I sat upright, bound in Marichiasana-D for the first time. This was not something I achieved right away, in fact it took me almost a year to do it by myself. In that time I whittled away my waist through a strong diet and stronger practice and trained my body to follow the breath into and through the asanas. Deep in M-D I realized that this is the most bound that I could be and still breathe. I had broke through the layers of discomfort and through the panic that used to set in whenever my breath was about to be cut off. With no use of my legs, arms, or torso the only option was to stretch upwards, sprouting out of my lower half like a lotus rising above the water's surface. Now the breath was genuinely earned and savored, and seemed endless in it's supply. How was I not able to breathe like this before? In the epiphany I flashed on what the feeling reminded me of: skydiving. I was suddenly free of my body and mind falling two miles above the planet with nothing I could do about it but enjoy the ride, and breathe. Jivanmuktih; liberation while still in the body. I carry that memory in a mental pocket and pull it out when I need to be reminded of benchmarks with this practice. Today was also such a benchmark.
When I last spoke of our practice, we were unsure where we stood with Guruji and second series. In fact, I got quite embarassed with myself over the whole thing and decided that I would not seek out Saraswathi or Guruji for clarification, nor would I start adding poses until stopped. I had a good week of thinking and settled into my primary practice. 'This is good' I told myself, 'all advanced people start this way' I rationalized. I have talked with others having come multiple times and have had mixed progression. It is the way it is. Just when I aquiesced and actually started enjoying the simplicity of my practice and the opportunity to focus on things I've put aside in my charge through other asanas, Sharath came back. I had heard that he may be back, but I didn't see him for a couple of days. Yesterday he worked the shala. In his absence many people had begun second series with and without anyone's approval, and some pushed through primary when they had been stopped before. But with Sharath back, many a practice got cut short. I feel vindicated a bit that we didn't add stuff in his absence. Around backbend time he asked Vivian and myself if we just took Pashasana and we told him that we hadn't started second series yet. He said to start tomorrow and then helped us with our backbends. A little aside here about how backbends work at the shala: first off it depends on whom is adjusting you. Standing at the front of your mat with arms crossed sarcophagus-style three quick half-backs are taken; exhale down, inhale up. If Saraswathi is adjusting Vivian, she sometimes gets put onto her head before the first half-back. The fourth is taken then arms extend to the floor for a full backbend. Whomever is adjusting you may say 'walk your hands' 'breathe ' 'take your heels' or some less encouraging phrase such as 'straighten you arms' 'don't bend knees' or simply 'why?' Furtunately for us, we did get a few drop-backs before Sharath was on our mats. While Vivian didn't go the furthest ever, it was still an impressive showing. I got the firmest support ever, and nearly touched my heels unassisted. After receiving my first pose I wasn't about to look like a wimp. The conversation around the breakfast table was about the victories and setbacks seen, heard, and felt around the shala. Another interesting encounter I overheard was of Sharath cracking-down on a friend's attire. Her jogging shorts were too short and she was asked not to wear them again. He said that she was not being singled out and that there was to be a new 'rule' about pants extending to the knee. I guess this will go in the rulebook we all don't get when we sign up, right next to the chapter that doesn't detail when to enter the shala or where and when to set up your mat. Mostly everything here is best learned through trial and error. That way they can spot the new people. I guess that's the thing that is most tangible here, that there is a shift in learning styles. I knew coming here that I wasn't going to really learn tons of Yoga, that I wasn't going to come back with many new poses and routines, but I would have the greater experience of making the pilgrimage and learning about the culture in which this practice arose. Figuring out how the structure works with returning students, seniority, and that sort of thing was also an important facet of our long term goals. It's kind of like college: many come from all over to learn, maybe for the first time away from home. We start as Freshmen, all of us, and progress is acknowledged based more on time served than ability. Can one really start an entry-level job and expect to rise up several job classifications in only a few short months? They really want to see long-term committment, to see that this is a lifestyle choice and not just an athletic program for the season.
And that's what I thought about today, bound in M-D, wondering how many more breaths will I get to take in this beautiful space. What will next trip bring? I hope to find myself looking back on this moment, no longer a Freshman but still in class, binding deeper, rising higher out of my core, breathing Jivanmuktih.

--- The thing with life here is that it doesn't go quite as scheduled or expected. And that these things can be magnified. Today is now Dec. 20th, full moon, the shala is now closed and we hace just celebrated our Solstice. This entry was started sometime early LAST week, I still haven't attached a picture to it, and it may appear out of order chronologically, but it will get done. There is always so much more to say I feel overwhelmed and can't bring myself to walk to the internet cafe and wring out some more satya. So here's the compromise: I will post a few posts in progress and you dear readers can check them periodically to see if they have been updated. I'm only talking about the next few, after that I will have my act together. No, really.
Here's what I want to talk about in future entries:
Rickshaws-- rules, rates, races
Trains-- times, tricks, thalis
Kolams-- sidewalks, sands, symbols
Coconut Culture-- what happens to yogis off the mat
Indian Christmas, kirtans, missing friends, puppies, mentors, translation errors and more!
We are soon leaving for the coast for a week. The planning was an adventure in itself, and may also require it's own entry. Until then---